The Big Red Onion

Testing

The existence of forgetting has never been proved: We only know that some things don’t come to mind when we want them.
- Friedrich Nietzsche

My good friends over at “Think Progress” are still reminiscing about the old days when a President makes a plan and sticks to it…no matter what happens. August 2008 brings us the story of how the promises President Bush made during his acceptance speech 8 years ago has been broken. Yes, George Bush said these words that my liberal friends now are turning against our leader:

“A generation shaped by Vietnam must remember the lessons of Vietnam: When America uses force in the world, the cause must be just, the goal must be clear, and the victory must be overwhelming.”

The only problem is my liberal friends seem to forget that fateful day when the Nasty Muslim People attacked the United States. That day was September 11, 2001 when the ever faithful friends of the liberals changed our life forever. The Muslim shitheads of this world rejoiced while the civilized members of humanity mourned. But now “Think Progress” believes 9/11 was just a day like every other day. A day that means nothing. A day that requires conspiracies theories and/or finger pointing at our own citizens and leaders.

The Towers came down creating Think Progress?

As most people understand, events like 9/11 can and do change even the best laid plans. A President, leader or even a teenager who doesn’t react to a major life changing event is a fool. A person or a group of individuals who think a life changing event like 9/11 shouldn’t drastically change the persona of a leader really hasn’t thought things through or are just fucking bitter. “Think Progress” is one of these fucking bitter groups of individuals.

Where was “Think Progress” back then? They wouldn’t have existed!

Think back to 1942 when Japan attacked Pearl Harbor. If we had a “Think Progress” leader in charge of this nation, the reaction quite possibly could have been a overwhelming response like “The United States is sorry for making you mad and we promise not to do it again”.

Accuse Excuse
Please do not get into the “What did the Iraq War have to do with 9/11″.  Just think it through and you’ll understand.

Food without grill marks is like finding out the rhino you just saw was blue.
- BRO

This is part 3 of our product review of the UniFlame GBC831WB Gas Barbecue Grill
You can find Part 1 of the product review HERE.
You can find Part 2 of the product review HERE.

I bought the Uniflame Gas grill in early June 2008 and if you haven’t read Part 1 or Part 2 yet, I will give you a short review before moving on to the newest review. I had a difficult time assembling this gas grill but I finally got it put together correctly. The first few times I cook on the grill I was a little disappointed in the grill.

Third Review
I recently moved to a new house and found out how fragile the UniFlame GBC831WB Grill really is. I have in no way abused this grill either at home or during the move. As a matter of fact, during 1.6 mile drive in the back of a U-Haul, the grill didn’t move an inch. Once off the truck, the grill sat in the front yard for a day or so before I attempted to move it around to the back of my house.

I grabbed the side table and wheeled the grill down my driveway and on to the sidewalk. This little trip measured 22 feet in total before the wheel fell off. The plastic wheel on the UniFlame GBC831WB Barbecue Grill actually tore around the wheel hub. In short, the wheel is now just a support to keep it level but in no way can I ever wheel this grill around again.

On a brighter note, this gas grill seems to do a good job grilling food. With all three burners fired up, the temperature has no problems reaching 400F resulting in even cooking. I’ve tried cooking with only 2 burners and found it cooks very unevenly. This presents a problem for me in that having to use all three main burners to cook just 3 hamburgers is a waste. In less than 2 month, I have used most of a 10 gallon tank of gas. The other grills I have owned were much more frugal.

Warranty Service????????
I contacted the maker of the UniFlame GBC831WB Gas Barbecue Grill…Blue Rhino on July 30th, 2008 via e-mail to see if they will honor their warranty. I will let you know how this process goes in a new post.

Recommendation:
After two months of occasional use of the UniFlame GBC831WB Gas Barbecue Grill, I say look at other brands before buying a Uniflame. There must be better barbecues out there.

“They [black and white musicians] jived between each other. All were artists, playing foolish, having fights and making love as if the rest of the world had no racial problems whatsoever.”
- Chuck Berry

According to our sources inside the retail glass and lumber industry, the the demand and thusly the price of these products are expected to dramatically increase in November 2008. While the housing crisis has resulted in a strong decline in demand for these items, the events about to unfold from November through the end of January 2009 are expected to reverse this trend.

The Obama Reconstructionist Period
Andrew, an analysis for the retail glass industry said “The retail glass industry is expecting a large spike in demand for our products. Large plate glass products are expected the lead the way during the last two months of 2008 and dropping off around the first week of Febuary 2009”.

Barbara a spokesperson from the retail lumber industry echo’s this forecast for her industry by saying “We are expecting an extreme increase in demand for lumber beginning during the first week of November 2008 and lasting for approximately 15 weeks. The biggest demand will be in the sheet type lumber as businesses and residential interests will require a massive amount of this product.”

While neither industry spokesperson was willing to go on record as to why they expect the demand to grow, the Big Red Onion will step up to the plate. The reason the demand for glass and lumber will increase dramatically in November 2008 is…the reconstruction of inner city USA brought about by massive and prolonged riots. We are tentatively calling this the Obama Reconstructionist Period.

Wild and Dangerous Times
No matter who is elected President of the United States in 2008, there will be intense riots mainly occurring in and near large inner cities of the US. There will also be significant but less intense rioting in medium sized cites throughout the South. We base our predictions on past rioting behavior across the US. The period from November 5th, 2008 through February 1st, 2009 will indeed be a very dangerous time to live in urbanized areas of the United States.

Times a Changing? Likely Not!
Our analysis shows that the rioting will be more intense if Barack Obama loses the election. But even if Obama does manage to take the election, widespread riots will still break out. While we have been told that the USA is ready for a Black President, we believe nothing could be further from the truth. Racial tensions are still very high as we have seen in many recent news articles. Yes, we see many people proclaiming they will vote for Barack but when that curtain closes behind will they change their mind?

“He helps others most, who shows them how to help themselves.”
- A. P. Gouthey

The barbecue season is in full swing in my part of the world and Friday night was a six family cook out. The chicken and ribs were slow roasting on the grills the small kids in the group were milling around in the backyard. It’s inevitable at summer barbecue’s that the subject of “our kids are so smart” will pop up. This night was no different.

Proud Liberal Mom and Dad
Mr. and Mrs. Smith were beaming as they watched their little 6 year old boy, Bobby playing in the grass with the other three children. Dad told our group his son is now reading at the 8 year old level. Not to be outdone, Mom chimes in with “Bobby has decided he wants to be President when he grows up”. Knowing the Smiths are proud card carrying member of the ACLU and every other liberal organization known to man, I decided to test their son.

Jose Directs the Questions
With a few Jose Cuervo’s under my belt I called little Bobby over to the railing on my deck. Looking down at Bobby I told him that Mom says you want to be the President of the United State when you grow up. Bobby’s eyes come alive and he said “Yes, I will be the President when I get old like you”.

With Mr. And Mrs. Smith standing on either side of me I asked Bobby “When you are President what would be the first thing you would do?”

Bobby replied almost immediately, “I would give houses to all the homeless people.”

“Wow, what a worthy goal you have there, Bobby.” I told him. Then I explained to him “You don’t have to wait until you’re President to help the homeless,. You can clean up all the dog poop in my back yard and I will pay you $5 dollars. Then we can go over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $5 dollars to use toward a new house.”

Out of the Mouth of Babes
Bobby thought that over for a few seconds, while his mom looked at me seething.
What was Bobby’s reply?
“Why doesn’t the homeless guy come over and clean up the dog poop and you can just pay him the $5 dollars?’

Much to the chagrin of Mr. and Mrs. Smith I said, “Welcome to the Republican Party Bobby.”

“Always vote for principle, though you may vote alone, and you may cherish the sweetest reflection that your vote is never lost.”
- John Quincy Adams

Yep, that’s right…the Democrats have the Hollywood Star Power on their side and we should all vote for Obama? This according to a fully neutral website called The Progressive Puppy. Read the post at:
http://www.progressivepuppy.com/the_progressive_puppy/2008/07/right-wing-cele.html

My Vote – Their Star’s Vote
I really feel terrible I am a Republican. Why? Look at all the dull and low voltage Hollywood stars that support the Republican party.

I guess I should switch parties because “the beautiful people” of Hollywood support Obama. Or maybe I just don’t care about what the “beautiful people” think. But I guess Democrats need to identify with Hollywood Stars so they can validate their existence?????

How We Vote?
Maybe Republicans vote based on the issues while Democrats vote based on what the following people think:
Quentin Tarantino, Spike Lee, Susan Sarandon, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Neil Patrick Harris, Dana Delany, Barry Levinson, Matthew Modine, Alan Cumming, Cheryl Hines, Rachael Leigh Cook, Wendie Malick, Tim Daly, Kerry Washington, TV writer Tom Fontana and director/writer/producer Sue Kramer.

Hollywood Stars – Just Regular Folks
If you think the above Hollywood Stars are smarter and more knowledgeable than you are, vote for Obama? If you think the above Hollywood Stars are just like you, vote for Obama? If you think Hollywood Stars represent your lifestyle, vote for Obama?

Do They Represent You?

Dana Delany - Vote like me please.

Maggie Gyllenhaal Message is?

Quentin Tarantino Votes with you.

Spike Lee can see Obama now

Tim Daly Democrat and Fugitive

In part One of the XT260 Weed Eater review I explained the pain and suffering I experienced getting the first trimming done at the Big Red Onion headquarters. You can read Part I by clicking here.

The Support Call Leads Nowhere
After much frustration trimming my grass with the Weed Eater XT260, I decided to call the support number listed on the owners manual. Like most people I know, we don’t have time to cut the grass during regular business hours. This leaves weekends to cut the grass. I knew my call to customer service on a Sunday would be useless but I had to try. Bingo…no customer service on weekends…when it’s needed the most.

I e-mailed the fine folks at Poulan and asked them to call me. I let them know what my problem was and what I expected them to do for me. They missed my deadline for calling me but I did receive a response via e-mail four days later. It was explained to me in their e-mail response that customer support is not allowed to call customers. The suggestion for getting the idling problem fixed was to find an authorized dealer and take the XT260 to them for repairs.

No Customer Support Today
What has happened to the US? Big and small companies alike have the same policy. The policy to give as little support as possible. But for a company like Weed Eater/Poulan to have a policy of “no phone calls to the customer” seems to be anti-productive and insanely stupid. And to have policy of no customer support during the weekends has got to be the most anti-customer support that Americans have just accepted as business as usual. Just think about the days they are open and you’ll understand why weekend hours would be more productive for both the customer and the company. After all, how many weed eater users are sitting at home on Monday mornings.

Second Times a ……
No lucky charms here. Work and life got in the way of taking my XT260 to the authorized dealer in town for 4 weeks. So for the next 4 weekend I experienced the frustration of trying to get the Big Red Onion yard trimmed. Each weekend my Weed Eater XT260 sputtered out at almost the same point in the yard.

After the second week I decided that maybe the spark plug was the problem. I got out my cool tool box and tried my two spark plug sockets on the weed eater. Neither plug socket was the correct size (¾ inch I believe). So I was stuck with a semi weed eater.

Authorized Dealer
I finally found some time to get my frustration machine into the authorized dealer in town. It took exactly 8 minutes for the young kid working at the fix-it shop to have it working just fine. He explained that he has the same exact model as mine and there is just one little trick to getting the Poulan XT-260 to idle. That trick is to buy a custom and pricey little idle screw tool and tune the idle setting so it works. Only Poulan is authorized to sell this tool.

String Breakage
Now that I have a weed eater that actually idles, I now have to deal with the trimming line that breaks way too easily and get tangled up inside the spool. Basically the more I use the Weed Eater XT260, the more I hate using this machine.

Other Professionals Needed for Operating the Pouland XT260 Weed Eater
If you don’t bother to read Part I of this product review I highly suggest you consider the fact you may need a few other professionals to help with your yard trimming each week.
1. A Swedish Masseuse: Only a professional masseuse can get the knots out of your back from using this ergonomically unfriendly machine. Why Swedish? It certainly can’t hurt can it?
2. An Audiologist Doctor: Having to keep the throttle wide open most of the time results in an all encompassing deafening environment. Hearing protection might not be enough when using the XT260.
3. A Proctologist: The Weed Eater XT260 should come with a coupon for your local anus doctor. It’s such a pain in the ass you’ll need a proctologist each and every weekend.

Recommendations:
Should You Buy a Weed Eater XT260? No, but do get that Swedish Masseuse.

“Motivation is a fire from within. If someone else tries to light that fire under you, chances are it will burn very briefly.”
- Stephen R. Covey

Today we are awarding a Digg Dick Award to a disgruntled citizen of the USA. This individual commented on an article about “China’s Wind Energy Production”. Good old “”tbk123” seems to think the Chinese government is doing a great job with building a new alternative energy infrastructure, and earthquake relief / rebuilding. The Big Red Onion Research staff agrees with “tbk123”. But his comments about how evil the US government seems to be for forcing our own citizens into a 3 year exile of temporary shelter is the real reason for the Digg Dick Award.

Here are “tbk123’s” comments:
The thing about China is if they decide to do something, they DO it. For instance, a week after that recent earthquake, they were rebuilding permanent housing for victims. In the US we STILL have Katrina victims living in temp housing or displaced!

Bitterness?
Yes, the US could have done much better with the Katrina Hurricane relief…BUT. Hurricane Katrina moved through the Southern States in late August 2005. By our calculations this disaster occurred just short of 3 years ago. And “tbk123” seems just a bit bitter that the US government hasn’t provided permanent shelter for the victims of Katrina?

Pursuit of Laziness?
What is the mission and job of the US Government? The US Declaration of Independence has wording indicating we should have the right to “Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness” or something along those lines. Yes, it would be nice if the US government gave each and every citizen of the US a 2,000 square foot house, food, clothing, transportation and an X-Box 360 but that is not going to happen. The US government and a vast majority of us believe the citizens of this country are more than able to carve out an enjoyable life if they work hard and use common sense.

Reasonable Expectations
Don’t you think it is reasonable to expect people who have experienced a major life changing event like Katrina to be able to a find their own permanent housing within two years? The BRO believes that a person or family who cannot eek out an living after 3 years of living on our tax dollars is just not trying hard enough. College students eek out a living within weeks of leaving college. Illegal immigrants eek out an immediate living as soon as they sneak across the border. But able bodied Americans are not expected to carve out a new life within 3 years according to “tbk123”?

TBK123 embodies the spirit of the Digg Dick Award. This person is so bitter at the USA that we suggest he/she should take a 3 year vacation in a country that will take care of him in the manner and custom he deserves. We think three years in China would give “tbk123” a new lease on a happier life. Bon Voyage you whiner…

“Oh Lord please don’t burn us don’t kill or toast your flock Don’t put us on the barbecue or simmer us in stock, Don’t bake or baste or boil us or stir-fry us in a wok”
- Monty Python

This is “Part Two” of the GBC831WB UniFlame Gas BBQ
Part One can be found here….

In the first part of the review I explained how the assembly of my UniFlame grill was somewhat troublesome. Here is a quote from an e-mail I received about this grill. “I read some one complain it took them 3 hours to put the grill together. I’ve been at it for over 2 weeks. Directions for the front plate make no sense”.

Now I move on to how this gas grill actually cooks. In short, I have used better grills in my life.

Electronic Ignition Works Still
After two weeks of cooking on the UniFlame GBC831WB, the igniter still works. This surprises me as all other grills I have bought in the past, the igniter stopped working within one week or never worked at all.

PreHeating
I live in a windy place. On some evenings, I watch as the grill sways in the wind. But once I get the UniFlame fired up, it preheats to 400F quite rapidly. And it does this in almost any kind of wind.

Cooking the Flesh
To me, this is the downside of the grill. With 400 degrees, the UniFlame BBQ is basically just an oven. It’s hard to get those BBQ lines on a steak of pork. I guess UniFlame has designed the grill so it doesn’t flash burn your meats like in the old days. You know..cooking a piece of chicken to jet black in 10 minutes or less resulting in raw inners and charcoal outers? I have tried coating the meat with Olive Oil and this seems to help some.

To be fair, the last grill I owned did the same thing for the first month or so. Once there was enough grease and gunk on the flame barrier above the burners, the natural fat in the meat allowed minor fire flashing to provide the true BBQ look and taste. Hopefully this delayed effect will happen with my UniFlame also.

Stability of the Grill
As I mentioned earlier, I live in a windy place. I have seen extremely high winds buffet my gas grill. The UniFlame Gas Barbecue GBC831WB withstood these winds pretty darn easily. One friend I know has a different full sized gas grill in his backyard and his has blown over a few times.

Recommendations:
I’m still having trouble giving the UniFlame Gas Barbecue GBC831WB anything other than a below average rating. Check back in a few months to see how this grill is standing the test of time and weathering the great outdoors.

We bought the Weed Eater XT260 grass trimmer a few months ago for the Big Red Onion Research Headquarters property. The entire staff has been less than happy with its performance. But it’s best to explain the how’s, what’s and why’s.

Out of the XT260 Box
Right out of the box you will have some assembly to get this weed trimmer working. No tools are required and I had it assembled within 15 minutes. Then you have to fill the tank with the proper gas/oil mixture. Again, a simple procedure and you should be ready to pull the starter rope within 20 minutes of taking the thing out of the box. But first…read the instructions on the proper starting procedures. Pump the gas bubble 6 times. Place Choke at Full. Depress the throttle level and then pull the starter rope 6 time. Then move choke to the halfway mark and pull the rope again. Sounds simple but…

Throttle Masseuse
I had trouble starting the Weed Eater XT260. I must have read the instructions 5 times during the first 30 minutes of trying to get this grass trimmer started and idling. But finally the XT260 did start and remained running as long as I kept the engine revved high. I know this isn’t the way the machine is meant to work but the weeds and grass around our headquarters were knee high. I massaged the throttle level enough to keep the weed eater running to get the front part of the lawn done.

I knew if I stopped the XT260 Weed Eater, I would never get it running again. But there is a gate between the front and back portions of our headquarters property and that gate wasn’t going to be easy to open. While still gently massaging the throttle, I reached over the fence and unhooked the gate latch. This was not an easy task. The weedeater did have a few seconds of full throttle power as I contorted my body getting the gate open. With the back gate open as wide as the throttle at this point, I continued my grass trimming along the fence line.

I will tell you my trigger finger was getting rather tired from keeping just the right pressure on the throttle to keep the XT260 running. I managed to get around about 1/5 of the yard before I made the mistake of getting too close to the fence. The weed eater sputtered under increased load and went silent.

Back, Arm and Phalanges Pain in the Ass
Another 30 minutes with the instruction manual only resulted in frustration and silence except the occasional expletive laden outbursts from the Big Red Onion yardman and webmaster. I never could get that darn old Poulan Weed Eater started again on this day.

In total, I had the weed eater running for about 20 minutes. During that time my back started cramping because of the silly position I needed to be in to cut along the fence line. My thinking is this piece of machinery isn’t ergonomically friendly. My back, arm, hand and finger was worn out. I even had a blister on the inside of my finger from pulling the starter rope so many times.

Part Two of the Poulan Weed Eater XT260 Review coming soon.